Dear Journal

[xia2xia]

Dear Journal,

I know I just met you for less than a month, but i think i can trust you. So, 2 days ago I lost my best friend. He said he broke our friendship. I cried and cried all night. I don't expect you to understand, but I did cry because he broke our friendship but the way he said it. He said it like he didn't care at all. Like 11 months of friendship meant nothing to him.

I know he expected me to be on his side, but he didnt understand that I did that in my past. I fought for my friend. It even got me in trouble. And what did I gain for that? Nothing. My friend left me too.

And now history repeated itseld. It seems like I'm trapped in the same loop over and over again. I guess no matter where you are, what part of the world you are, the people are still the same. Still selfish and childish.

I'm not saying that I'm better than them, i sure am not. It's just sometimes they can't understand my thinking, and think I'm stupid for not listening to them. Hey guess what? I do have a brain and I'm not robot. I'm going to do what I think best for me. I'm done doing anything for anyone especially if it lead me to trouble.

And of course yesterday my friend went back to me and tried to "fix" the problem. Yeah the problem is "solved" but you have to admit there can't be a same relationship after you said to a friend that the friendship was over, how hard you try.

But luckily I think I'm blessed that I have other people that still care for me. People who will be there for you no matter what. My sister, my mom, my dad, and my friends.

I already said thank you to them, but thank you once again if you read this. You guys are the one of the best part of my life right now.

I can't give you guys anything in return, all i can offer is my love and support.

[xia2xia]

Dear Journal,

If you don't know by now. My mom is a psychic. She can read the future on some people. She can communicate with ghosts. I know you might think this is stupid and ridiculous but it's a fact.

And why am I talking about that? It's because It think I have the talent too.

2 days ago I have a bad feeling, I feel like I'm alone and like I'm about to loose someone. So I wrote everyone that's close to me goodbye notes and how they meant to me, so I won't have regrets. Low and behold in the afternoon, my friend dumped me. He no longer wanted me as his bff.

And today, I get the same bad feeling. Coming home from Beyonce's movie, I feel the same bad feeling. I don't know why this time. And suddenly I thought maybe it has something to do with the game? I heard report that Noah and Jeff are campaigning for me and want me gone.

It freaked me out, maybe it is about the game. And then I heard that Jeff has the hidden idol. Although I know it's impossible, but this bad feeling made me paranoid. I started to talk to people and I think I might've dug my own grave. I think now they think I'm annoying.

I just don't get what their objection is. All I ask was 4-3-2 vote. 4 for jeff, 3 for noah, and 2 for me
so if Jeff has the idol. then noah would be gone and not me.

And of course, they think im stupid and that I'm paranoid and that I'm protecting Jeff. If I'm protecting Jeff I would've campaigned for Noah since last vote. Especially after that TC comment.

People are just underestimated me, they think I'm stupid asian who can't think and paranoid. I mean when I ask for at least 5-2-2. they still think i'm crazy,

Juice even told me that I should go to Jeff and told him that I think Jeff has idol and he should vote for Noah. ARE YOU DUMB? Jeffrey is not that dumb, even I'm not that dumb (maybe only Noah would be that dumb)

Why would you vote for your own ally when you already have one ally left? He said oh Jeff would still have you. It's like OMG, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't have a deal with Jeff. Ever since he said "I don't know" when I asked him what's our next plan.

I took that as a sign that he didnt want to work with me again. Plus when I talked to him, he resorted to one line answers. Trust me I'm a good people reader. You can't lie to me. Even in horror, I knew I was gone since I was the only one who post in the challenge. I have a strong instinct with people.

I told Brian, Beth don't like me, way before she voted for me.

Anyway, I don't think I would manage to sway anybody. Luckily I made a profit for myself. Juice promised me if I'm gone tomm, he would give me 100 dollars. o.0

How amazing that is, so no matter what the result tomm. I would gain something. Though my competitive side telling me not to give up. That's why tonight I vote for Noah not because he annoyed me but because I'm hopiing for a miracle that:
1. Jeff not voting for me so it would be 6-1-1-1 so if Jeff has hidden idol it would be a three way tie.
2. Jeff does not have hidden idol.
3. Juice has 100 dollars in his pocket.